Meet Kathy Caprino, Writer for Forbes – TurtleWise Guest Blogger
Meet Kathy Caprino, a career success coach, leadership trainer, author and speaker dedicated to the advancement of women. She runs a career and leadership consulting and training firm — Ellia Communications — that offers programs, training and resources for career growth. She is a former corporate VP, a trained therapist and career specialist, and she has worked with over 10,000 professional women and emerging leaders globally. Along with Forbes, she blogs for Huffington Post, LinkedIn, and her own Ellia Communications career blog. Her book Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose, explores the 12 hidden challenges working women face today and how to overcome them.
Kathy is a guest blogger for TurtleWise. We are excited to have her share personal experiences and knowledge. Stay tuned for upcoming posts from Kathy Caprino.
Top 6 Things You Should Never Tolerate at Work
Author: Kathy Caprino
Before launching my own coaching firm, I spent 18 years in corporate life, in publishing, marketing and membership services. I rose to the level of VP, and managed global initiatives, sizable staffs and multimillion-dollar budgets. Some of it was fulfilling, and I was considered “successful.” But much of it, especially at the end, was not good, healthy, positive or rewarding. In fact, the last few years of corporate work were full of toxicity. From backstabbing colleagues, to substandard leadership, to unethical practices, there were things I witnessed and participated in that, today, I would never, for a second, tolerate or accept. I’ve grown up.
In my career coaching work over 10,000 professionals in 10 years, I see every day in their lives and careers these same challenges repeated over and over – that they’ve compromised themselves and their integrity to get a paycheck, to keep a job, to be promoted, or to achieve what they think is success or financial “security.” And it’s making them depressed, ill and disillusioned. But six of these challenges rise to the top as the most egregious and damaging.
1. Allowing someone to abuse or harass you
There was one experience I faced in my corporate life that could only be called sexual harassment. One executive two levels above me made personal, sexually inappropriate requests and suggestions to me that made me terribly uncomfortable, and were way beyond acceptable. The implication was that if I did what he suggested, he would favor me and send important, lucrative business my way (worth millions).
It was one of the toughest periods of my professional life because I simply had no idea how to successfully navigate through it. If I said “no” to him, my business (and I) would be hurt, as he was known to make life difficult for people who didn’t do what he said. If I complained to HR (whom I didn’t trust), I would be hurt there too, because he was deeply ensconced in the company and wouldn’t be reprimanded. In the end I declined his suggestions, but I’ll never forget how victimized and trapped I felt.
What to do instead? Never allow someone to abuse or harass you. Ever. Get outside help immediately if this happens, and obtain the expert support and guidance you need to help you navigate through these challenges with the help of someone with power and authority in your corner.
2. Giving up everything for money
Money – and our relationship with it — is a topic that’s spawned millions of books, articles and seminars. Many struggle each day with maintaining a healthy balance and appropriate power dynamic with money, and many fail. Countless professionals give up their souls for money – not because they are necessarily struggling to pay the bills, but often because they’ve become enslaved by their lifestyle and the need to impress (and their need to feed their sense of worthiness through money). These folks have forgotten what they’re capable of, and that they’re here at this time not to just pay the bills, acquire things, and keep up with the Joneses. I’m not saying that fulfilling your financial obligations isn’t important – it is. I am saying that you are much more than your paycheck or bank account. And you can find work that both feeds your soul AND brings you the money you need.
What to do instead? Get out of denial and recognize when you’ve sacrificed your soul for money. It’s clear when it’s happened – you’re in a painful, debilitating state that you can’t ignore, and no amount of money will heal it. (Here’s more about transforming your wealth programming.)
3. Abandoning your self-respect
Recently, a client of mine shared this:
“I’m feeling so much pressure to be the kind of manager and leader I dislike intensely. I’m not allowed to spend my time developing people, or to give them the training and help I want to give them, to support their growth. I’m told I have to manage and behave in a certain way that feels really wrong for me, and I just don’t know what to do about it. When I push for what I believe is right, I’m either ignored, shut down, or I’m not considered a team player. I don’t like who I’ve become here.”
I’ve lived this too – that the way I was expected to behave, communicate and act in a certain corporate culture – as a manager or a leader – made me lose all self-respect.
What to do instead? If you feel that you’ve lost your self-respect, you need to make some significant shifts in how you are operating in the world and what you’re allowing. Often we’re in this situation because we don’t understand the tremendous value we offer, or the great talents and skills we possess. We see only what’s at the tip of our nose, and not the bigger picture of who we are and can be in the working world. If this resonates with you, you’ll need to learn how to honor yourself more deeply, and adhere to what you believe and know. If you can’t do that in your current job, start interviewing and find a better job that’s a better fit. It’s doable but you have to start.
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